One Year Later

(This post first appeared on my Substack on March 16, 2023.)

A year ago today ended one of the longest days of my life.

Back in July, I wrote about what happened that day in March last year. But I had not offered an update since then because, well, life got in the way. As usual.

I feel better than I did last year. Obviously, getting the sugars down made a difference. I’m down under 300 pounds now, although I have hit a bit of a plateau at the 280 mark. Hopefully the Spring weather and some changes in my gym routine will allow me to break through that plateau and start losing some more weight again.

I can say, though, that the advantage of being at a plateau means that my need to buy a raft of new or new to me clothes has slowed. Additionally, as I’ve continued to look at my diet and exercise routine, I am working on not obsessing over the number on the scale. So, while I hate, on some level that I can’t break though the 280 mark I’m not stressing about it as much because I still feel good. I can see the changes that have happened over the last year.

The first time it hit me was back in October. I was recording a video for National Transfer Student Week at UNLV. I had shot one last year and was asked to record another one. As I was going through my script and revising it, I found the video clip I had recorded.

I legitimately did a double take when I saw what I had looked like back in October 2021. When I pulled them up side-by-side, the change was obvious.

The adjustment I was not expecting, though, was the mental one.

I was not really prepared for the mental changes that came with taking up less space. I mean, I am smaller than I have been in a long time—at least a decade. But there is a mental adjustment from looking at myself in a new light.

There has been joy in wearing clothing I wouldn’t have ever dreamed of wearing a few years ago. Hell, there has been a bit of joy in wearing clothing from the regular side of some of the department and big box stores and not having to order thing online or from the “Big & Tall” section (although some things fit better in 2XB than in 2XL).

But with that joy comes a bit of sadness. Sadness from not taking care of myself better before. Also, sadness from not appreciating my own body in its previous state. I had always considered myself to be a body-positive person, but as I look in the mirror every morning, and occasionally step on the scale, I just find a whole mix of emotions hitting me.

I was in bad shape a year ago. I have gotten a second chance and am taking advantage of it the best I can.